Women: Mere objects of Physical attention???

A creature existing in our society called GIRL; there are three things which define and confine her life:

1.       Sexuality – A girl in our society is not allowed to a zillion of things in the world just because she is a girl

2.       Timings – The timings of the day when a girl is supposed to go out of her house for any activity is limited and defined

3.       Dress Code – The clothes a girl is supposed to wear are defined and designed as per the societal expectations

Throughout their lives, the girls/women are being judged on these pre-defined notions of our society. Her character is being judged on the basis of her adherence to these above mentioned codes of conduct. Why???? Because she is one who has to get picked by some (good) guy someday for marriage. Really?? This is where the problem is rooted. Deep down we admit this that women, no matter how much educated intellectual, are, at the end of the day, just a body of flesh. And by doing this, we assure men, every single day, that no matter how much education we have imparted to our daughters, no matter how much salary she earns, she can never ever be equal to you. You are the one who has the choice to marry, divorce, assault, rape or disown her.

Ironically, when cases like the recent Delhi gang rape happen, the parents get extremely trenchant in making their daughter realize the importance of those three golden guidelines set for women behaviour in India. Well, you can’t say much to the parents when our honourable Chief Minister herself is affording her precious advice to all the Delhi girls to say at home and not roam around at odd hours. Stay at home??? Yes, definitely. This is exactly what we are aiming for after 65 years of independence and democracy.

In a country like India, first of all our law and order is so stout, that no one dares to fear it. Then on top of it, we make our girls so diffident that it inevitably gives encouragement to the boys to develop the feeling of domination. Just think about it, at home itself the parents are always partial towards their male child in every sort of issue. Why the rules are just for girls? Why a boy’s character is not judged on the basis of clothes he wears or the timings at which he roam outside? A boy can have numerous affairs, but when it comes to girls, it becomes an honor issue. Where is the space for equality then? What is the meaning of education when you simply have to judge a woman based on her sexuality and attire? By doing all this, we are not protecting our daughters; we are simply facilitating those bigots in our society who feel that they are superior to women and they can do any sort of heinous activity with them.

Activities like assaults, rapes, etc. are social crimes. While, a firm law and order is categorically required to prevent and prosecute them, however, a community based approach and actions are also required to prevent these atrocities. A sustained behavioural change in the men fraternity is definitely being called for and this can be brought only and only by the society (read us). It is essential to plug out the feelings of chauvinism, desire for power and sadism from men. Instead of teaching women to confine them, it should be the men who must be taught not only to respect their mothers and sisters but also the women who are someone else’s daughters and sisters. By confining and restricting our girls, we are merely making such chauvinists/rapists win.

Parents grow too!!!!

I have heard many people taking and sharing about the feeling of seeing and experiencing this children grow. While there are many more years to come (for me at least) to experience that feeling, but one feeling which I did experience in last few years and would like to share is seeing my parents grow. By growth I don’t mean any physical growth but the growth in terms of the adaptability with the new things in life.  For example, some 7-8 years back when I was outgrowing my teens, I could see my mother worrying on losing that connect with me that she used to have while I was a kid. She was finding it tough to understand my lingos, my aspirational lifestyles, my choices, etc. I could never imagine that time that a day would come when I would be chatting with my mom on whatsapp!!! For a lady who has been a housewife for her life, being at home taking care of her kids and household chores, isn’t it a sense of growth that she learnt to connect with grown up kids in their “new GEN” ways. This feeling is so amazing that I don’t feel like there is any term called “generation gap” between me and my mom. It is great to see that most of the lovely parents out there are making best of their efforts to bridge the gap between themselves and their children. In parallel, it is also the responsibility of us, the children, to take them alongside as we grow. The way they used to get us familiar with the new, complex things during our childhood, it’s now our duty to get them familiar with this new world that we are experiencing around us. I love to see that childlike excitement in my mom whenever I guide and urge her to explore and start using all these new technological inventions around us.  Actually, one a more serious note, this concept of taking your parents along is not just limited to these new social networks. It can go ahead to sharing the new ideologies and philosophies that we believe in.  Understandably, there is some resistance from the parent’s side sometimes. But if you give an honest and serious attempt to it, you can really make things work out with them. Unfortunately, I see some children not making any endeavour at all to bridge any gap with their parents (especially guys).  All these statements like, “There is an age to learn or change someone”, “They can never understand”, etc. etc. are all myth. I agree you can’t push anyone but an honest attempt is required indeed! So guys, if you have not done it so far, please do ahead and enable your parents take a leap into this 3G world!!!! J

A Step towards honesty

From childhood, there is one lesson undoubtedly taught to each one of us- “Speak Truth”. Despite of this lesson being taught, we still have so many corrupt politicians, dishonest administrators, fraud businessmen in our country. Prima facie, there isn't any direct link between these two statements.  I am not certain how these two can logically be linked, but here is what I think.

Let us go back to the age group of 3-5 years and try to recall some of those incidents where our parents lied about our age to evade the expense of our tickets for cinema halls, trains, buses, museums, etc.  Though I do remember some of mine, but would like to cite an incident which I observed as a third party at the age of 24. We were standing in a queue to buy tickets at a Cathedral in Scotland and there was a couple (Indian) along with 2 boys (one in stroller and one of his own) right before us. Now this lady at the ticket counter politely asked the man, “What is the age of your son in the stroller sir?” The man replied, “2 years”. His innocent wife shouted angrily (thinking his husband doesn't even know the age of their son), “No. He is 3 and a half”. The man got furious hearing his wife say that and starting yelling at her (in Hindi off course), “Can you please keep your mouth shut”. Turning back to the lady at the counter, he firmly reiterated, “He is 2”. The lady nodded and asked him to pay for 3 tickets. Now what got unnoticed here was the reaction of the elder kid standing petrified next to his fighting parents. What lesson he learnt there? That to lie is not a bad thing and in fact a necessity if it save your family money.

This learning continues throughout our lives when we see our parents faking our age at the birth certificates, making false certificates, evading taxes, leveraging jacks to get us college seats, jobs, etc.  But then why we, the same people, criticize and accuse the politicians, officials and administrators of being dishonest and corrupt. After all, they are also human beings, who have gone through the same circle of life wishing good for their families. Only the additional angle is that they are little lucky ones to be at a larger helm of things. The scale of their operation may be enormous for them, but the modus operandi is the same. Be dishonest for the benefit of your family.

Moreover, such people earn great reverence when they belong to our own social circles. We look up to them when they leverage their official perquisites for their family’s welfare (deploying official servants at home, using official cars to drop their kids to schools, etc.) 

May be our criticism should come with an asterisk – “terms and conditions apply”. If we are the ones getting benefited with the dishonesty, it’s requisite, else we hate it. Can we please take a step towards at least being honest in our opinion first? Do we encourage it or we want to contain it? Can we please be honest on our stance that if given a chance, wont we be corrupt?

Who is listening anyway..

“Don't waste your time with explanations: people only hear what they want to hear.” The statement said by Paulo Coelho was merely a thought, rather a very good thought for me until few days back. However, during last few days I have begun wondering if this statement is more than a thought especially in context of the beliefs and practices being followed in the society. These days many of us talk modern values and opinions being injected into Indian society and mindsets guiding them towards a better nation. But who is listening to these, is a big question. For instance, our man the very Mr. Dependable, “AMIR KHAN” started a raging show earlier this year Satyamev Jayate with apparent conviction of putting across new thoughts on the standing societal issues. Evidently, the penultimate goal of the show was to infuse moral values in the society and appeal to the mass to do away with the wrong or may be immoral practices being followed. Apart from this touted television show, so many people, authors and speaker try to put across their point and guide people towards better social life in various forums. However, the recent honor killing of the 28 year old boy from Bulandshahr, clearly authenticates the point that no one is actually listening. From a show, (intended to influence masses) which failed to influence even the family of the people who were actually brought into the show, how can we expect a mass evolution. The truth is that for any change to happen, one first need to realize that the change is essential. This in turn underpins that the present ways being followed are wrong. So till the time you acknowledge that what you are doing is wrong, there is no scope for any change or improvement. And who will make them realize of their wrong doings? Do we really think that these shows will make any difference? I deliberated over this incident for long and realized that perhaps the audience of these shows is only the people who already know all this. They are the only ones who can relate to it and appreciate it.  The ones, who are actually involved in these evil practices, will never ever pay any head to it. They might simply change the channel rubbishing the show and its propagations and probably go ahead to watch some TV serial propagating domestic violence with ghunghat wali bahu and atyachari saas. Ironically, they don’t even learn anything from those serials as well. Had they realized what is being shown is wrong I guess the dowry, extortion and various domestic violence cases would have at least gone down. Hence, seemingly the statement “people only hear what they want to hear” holds definitely true. 

Education is missing so many things..

Instead of emphasizing on including sex education in Indian education system (which anyway majority of the people learn by experience/age/curiosity), one topic which should definitely be included is “TRAFFIC RULE & SENSE”

Even in most of the metropolitan cities, where the majority of the people are expected to be educated, lack basic traffic sense and tend to break traffic rules as often as possible.

Understandably, the traffic police and administration is to be blamed equally, but being educated, owning cars worth 5-20 lac, a rudimentary  level of road sense such as looking behind before you turn, n opening your car door randomly to spit on the road, not drive on the wrong side, obey traffic rules, is still expected !!